My Story in the Making

This is my testimony, my own personal story. No judging or comparing, no trying to convert you, No nothing. Just my story for anyone who wants to hear it.

I say “in the Making” because really, my story is still being made.

2007~ My life would change and never be the same.

I really did not feel joy in my life even though I had every reason to be happy. I had guilt from past mistakes and what I have put my children through & fear for the future. I went from being very dependent, to not needing anyone at all for anything (So I thought). I have believed in God all my life but it wasn’t until some time after my divorce that I really came to know and trust him. Completely different! Even then, as many of us do, I fought what I knew for quite some time. After a lot of searching, I felt led to settle in at a local church, at which time I mainly brought my kids on Wednesday nights while I attended a class. I did not attend the church on Sundays on a regular basis. I really just wanted some stability for my kids. I was fine (This is the part where I was in denial).

I realized I may need to make some changes in my life.

Once I realized this, I mustered up the courage to make contact with a woman I had been referred to.  She continues to be my mentor today. I  spoke to her for weeks before I actually went to church and met her. I saw something in her and some of the other women at church. Something I was lacking. They were happy… content…strong, yet compassionate women. Some of these women had careers, others were at home with there kids. Neither lifestyle seeming to be right or wrong, but it was just right for them. Then at the request of my daughter who wanted to attend kid’s church I began attending regularly. I went through a dysfunctional relationship after my divorce before finally realizing what was healthy, what I wanted & didn’t want and then I made sure to write it down! I joined the single group to get myself out of the bar scene and experience healthy fellowship.  A few years later and much prayer from my kids, I was blessed with a Christian man who later became my husband  and the step-father to my children.

God was faithful to the desires of my heart.

I was baptized in water during our dating. At this time I made the conscious adult choice to ask God into my life and do my best to follow his purpose for me. From this time, changes began to happen in me. I began to see the need for me to be at home more, investing in my children’s lives. Something, I am ashamed to say, that I never really had a desire for.  I began feeling like the best of me was used up at work serving others. I was in the medical field as a licensed Physical Therapy Assistant. This was my career, I was defined by it. I was in it for 12 years by which time I had worked hard at establishing a good reputation of being good at what I did. I had a consistent patient case load. Therapists and clients had confidence in me and I made good money at it!  I even managed a therapy department for a time. In this position, I began to be convicted in various areas of my work. I felt I was compromising myself in the “grey areas” of making the company money. I began to loose my desire for what I had loved doing. As I attempted to confront some of these issues, to try and change the way I was doing things, as suspected, I got resistance.  The tension escalated over the next couple of months and to add to it, my husband had lost his job.  The extra hours I had to work for the management position was a needed blessing and we needed the the health insurance.

I felt trapped and unhappy to say the least.

Maybe this was the time for my husband to get our dream of having a business off the ground? It was really only a concept… maybe a hobby at most, but we always felt it could be more. I felt it, he at the time, did not. He wasn’t seeing his part as anything more than assisting me when needed in the workshop. He just didn’t feel he was being called to our business at that time.
I began to get very frustrated with the situation at hand. But all the while had a sense that I was on the crest of some sort of change. then, a breakthrough! Our hopes were lifted with the possibility of a really good job for my husband. This would release me of the burden I have always had of having to carry the health benefits for my family.  My hopes came crashing down with a regret letter from the company.  My husband looked me straight in the eye proclaiming that we were going to be blessed & to keep the faith. I was ready to quite my job due to the rising stress level. The person who I was covering for decided not to return full time. I was not interested in continuing this management position. At this time I was told I had no choice & was not allowed to return to my prior position.

I got on my knees and prayed. The kind of prayer when your desperately crying out and can’t handle much more.
God’s faithfulness showed again when we got a call from the company that my husband had received a regret letter from. They had changed their minds, he would start training the following week!

I informed my work that my hours needed to change due to having to pick up my daughter at school. I was told that my hours would not be granted. I had to make a choice. It was down to the very day that I would need to leave early & was told I could not. If I quit, we would need to go 3 months without insurance. We prayed about it and made the decision to hand in my resignation & I walked out.

That day, my life changed!

The next day we came to find out that his new job granted health insurance benefits on the date of hire.

I was learning how to have faith. The blessings continued. We were going to be quite strapped financially to say the least. I was working up to 50 hours a week at times. Someone mentioned I should apply for unemployment. I’m thinking “that’s impossible, I quit, I walked out. You can’t collect for that”. Well I prayed about it and really felt I should try and go ahead with it. The unemployment office ended up granting me 6 months of unemployment due to my company changing my Job description from when I was hired and refusing to allow me to return to what I had been hired for.  An answer to prayer! My definition of myself began being peeled like an onion. I had to ask myself if there was more than just being a therapist? It’s all I knew. I joined a bible study looking for direction. This was the first one I had ever attended. I felt out of my element & uncomfortable to say the least. I panicked and started looking for a job. On a run one day, I tore the meniscus in my knee. I felt God saying I needed to stay put for a while. I felt he was telling me to slow down and listen for HIS plan.  I couldn’t see it and pressed on foolishly taking on a part time position while I waited for God to tell me what to do. At this point I ended up needing surgery. Now I was stuck on the couch. OK, I got the point, he told me to stay put!

Now what? Me stay home? I’m not good at being a wife & mother.

I‘m not sure I know how to do that, being at home all the time. I know they need me but it’s seems easier for me to go to work. Then I get a phone call from someone I met at church asking if I would like to attend a different bible study since the other one had ended. I’m thinking “I don’t think those are really for me”. Then she says well the study is on how to be a godly wife & mother. WHAT??!!  Do you ever need a 2×4 in the side of the head? I just got one. Ouch!  (here is the obedience part) Sure I’ll go. Here we go again with the peeling of layers, the feeling convicted, and, the longing to do better.  My eyes are opening wider & wider as God molds me like a potter refining all the muck & mud.  This is not a painless process!!!!  It stretches you out of your comfort zone!!!!!  So I took the Bible class & learned a lot. I was humbled really. I had not only become overly INDEPENDENT and selfish but had also lost a lot of the qualities I needed to become a compassionate Mother and a godly Wife that I was being called to be.

The Great thing is that God’s grace covers it all and we get to start over with our eyes fixed on his purpose for us.

Now my husband and I began discussing the possibility that maybe I was the one who was going to get the business off the ground.  I could see it. I had a vision and a passion for it. I began building things and getting them out there in shows and stores. I took the bull by the horns! This was not however paying the bills and I was working 10x more and harder. So, did I learn the faith thing right away? Oh no, absolutely not. So, I went back to work. I did it PRN “on call basis” which really ended up being a consistent 3 days a week. After months of trying to continue to build the business and taking care of a household and the kids, I was getting overwhelmed again. I don’t get it. Women do this all the time????  Well obviously this woman was being called elsewhere than in the workforce at this season in my life.

I needed to put one last thing in his hands.   Yes, the ever so burdening FINANCES. I had to let go of that last part of the rope I was holding onto & trying to control and let God and my husband take care of providing for us. I have always taken a part in providing for the family but it was time to let go of that.

I tend to like having the reigns and often get ahead of the plans. I’m still working on that.

Doors have opened as have my eyes! I have clarity to see my natural abilities and talents. In addition I have realized what defines me and what defines true success. I am there for my kids. Not just in body but truly there for them. I am making a difference and I see the fruits of my labor. Not everyone is blessed with that gift in this lifetime.  I am taking a step of faith with this business. I am learning to walk in obedience and wait for direction. When you do that, it is amazing how things fall into place very smoothly.
For example, we had been talking about a website for over a year but I didn’t feel it was the right time. Then we joined a couples group & sure enough there was someone in the group who used to do web design that offers to teach me how.  It was the right time and I knew it. That was such a blessing for me.  Every time I needed direction or encouragement, if I would wait, it would come.

Another example, my unemployment ended a while ago but God has provided. From the time after my unemployment stopped up until November my husband was able for the first time in a year make his bonuses which were the equivalent of me working those months.  I just keep preparing. I make jewelry & gifts whenever I can. What happens in December? I get two calls for home shows. My husband’s bonus was short that month and my two shows equal within $5 the difference.

My Faith is strengthened to the point now that I just trust it is as it should be and we are taken care of.

I want to be in the right place doing the right purpose. I just kept feeling like I should prepare. . God has something planned for us that is beyond our comprehension if we will just follow. I have been blessed with so many opportunities to bless other people or be there for other people that I would not have otherwise been able to do because of time constraints. I was looking for joy in all the wrong places. I found it in helping and being there for others, being still and listening to direction laid on my heart, and having faith.

Are we rich? Are we successful? According to society standards….no way. In God’s eyes, absolutely!  Bottom line……….for myself, I trust him and follow his direction and have already been blessed more than I imagined with; purpose, true relationships, and emotional stability.

God is faithful.